somehow

today feels like a very emotional day.

maybe because of the lack of sleep;

was reading in room instead of sleeping this afternoon.

not enough of sleep makes me grumpy.

i was being harsh on her but

that is really how i feel.

i usually bottle up the feelings,

the things i wanna tell her,

but today

i let them all out.

something touched that spot of me

maybe it is just myself, how i felt today.

even so,

there are still things i haven't tell her.

she wanted time to be alone,

so i let her be.

now i feel really sorry for being so harsh.

usually i would keep the feelings to myself,

not wanting to thrash them all out

afraid of hurting her,

but either way,

she is hurt.

what else can i do?

all i can do is

talk.

nothing more.

and from the things i said,

might as well change her mind,

or does no effect,

even maybe damage her.

i am really not good in getting away with words, am i?

that's why keeping to myself is the best thing

because i hurt no one that way.

anyway,

all that is left to say to you

in my mind

is

Once you let go,

you'll get used to it.

when you get used to it,

you'll look back,

you'll think,

how foolish you are

for not letting go your hands

even after suffering for so long.

you might even feel better that you've let go

of the "topic" that had been your interest

for so long

and the "knife" that stabs you repeatedly

with the wound,

bleeding non-stop,

the unseen wound,

but you can tell no one about it,

as if you'd lose your voice,

you keep the pain to yourself

and eventually

you'll rot inside

and die.





Maybe.

well it's always easy to say,

and every human is different,

but as long as you want to do it,

nothing is impossible.

all you have to do is

add in more guts and courage

stand up for yourself

make up a decision.

remember this:

YOU CONTROL YOUR OWN MIND.

you want it, you do it.

so don't say you don't know what to choose.

you want it or not, it's all up to you.

i'm in no position to comment on what you chose.

as long as you've made up your mind.

i'll support it as i can,

as long as it is your decision.

Labels: April 2010